Divorce wasn’t suppose to happen to ME. On my mom’s side, my grandparents were married 70 years. My dad’s parents made it to 30+ years before my grandpa had a heart attack and met an early death. My parents are going strong with over 40 years of marriage under their belt. On my (former) husband’s side, both of his grandparents had very long marriages till death do we part and his parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Added together – – I did the math – – there is over 300 years of marriage that preceded us in these 2 generations.
Surely we were immune to divorce! Divorce was a non-issue. We vowed not to. We both believed the “D” word wasn’t to be said out loud. As if this wasn’t enough protection, we also had our Christian faith. Not only did we not not want divorce, but we knew God didn’t want it for us either. Seriously, there was no possible way we would end up divorced.
But then it happened. In year 17, our marriage came to an end. I would say abrupt end (to be dramatic), but truth is, the process was a slow erosion. Over time, the scales tipped, the holes could no longer be plugged or patched, and the damn broke.
How do I make sense of the outcome? In short, it’s because we had a cracked foundation. Strong solid marriages require trust, honesty, teamwork, safety, and fidelity. Sadly, he broke these agreements and codes of conduct early on. His deception and lack of repair set our marriage on shaky ground. I decided I can’t do marriage without these essential components.