There is a common misconception that divorced people have a low view of marriage and discard partners easily, flippantly, casually. This impression exists because there are some that leave marriage quickly without resolve to make it work.
Not all divorces are the same. I must say, SO many of the men and women I’ve met on this journey that ended up divorced – – did so fighting valiantly. I’m amazed at the fight, stamina, and long-suffering I’ve witnessed. We (I include myself) gave it everything we had – – and then some. Yet, there came a point for our sanity, safety, and protection that we let go. This doesn’t mean we didn’t want our marriage or uphold marriage. It means we lived the serenity prayer in it’s fullness.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Truth is, marriage involves TWO people. Two individuals working side by side, living in the same reality, equally devoted and determined. Both need to take the bull by the horns and deal with anything that comes their way. Both must look out for the interest of the other. If this isn’t happening, it’s hardly a marriage. I can’t tell you how many times I was “on the field… in the game… face marred with dirt and sweat” only to look over and find my (former) spouse sitting on the bench! You can’t have a marriage if you’re the only one in it. People with a high view of marriage know this.
I’m pro-marriage. In fact, I want to help others guard and protect their marriages. I think “us divorcees” could lead the most amazing, powerful pre-marital classes. We’ve learned a lot. In our great loss, we’ve gained a deep appreciation for what marriage can and should be. I even venture to say that some of us have a higher view of marriage than some married people.